My Jaunt with Jebediah

Jebediah. Unnaturally smart. One of those guys who is cold as ice texting, but sweet in person. I shouldn't like him, I'll say that from the beginning. But I love his voice, and the way he giggles at the things I say whilst being particularly obnoxious. He's a big guy. Not fat, just... I would choose him for my dodgeball team. He is easygoing, and let me choose what I wanted to do for our first couple dates (at least I think they were dates?). He's patient with me when I go off on my tangents about art, music, human nature, etc and didn't kiss me until the third night we saw each other even though I know he is by no means a prude.

All is great in paradise, no?

Well of course, after 3 seemingly awesome dates and an awesome kiss, he didn't text me until two weeks later. And told his friends I had a huge crush on him. And took his ex(who is one of my friends) to some cocktail shindig for his fraternity. I didn't text him out of anger/humiliation/confusion.

Strike.
Strike.
You're out?

Thursday night (so, a week ago) he texted me, "Heyyy what are you up to?" Like I was supposed to drop everything (in that case, nothing, with a side of Facebook stalking) and just go hang out with him? Pretend he hadn't talked about "us" to other people - a personal pet peeve of mine? Chosen someone from his past over someone of his present and possibly future? I was furious, considered never talking to him again, but relented and texted him back a very curt reply that I was about to fall asleep and he should too.

The smarter version of myself would have deleted his number.

Saturday night rolled around, I had baked a ton of cookies I was seriously proud of ("they are like biting into a cloud" - my friend's testimony), I had downed some beers during a drinking game with my guy friends, and was watching an adorable flirtship play out between two of my friends. Thus, the powers of desperation combined and I texted him to hang out. At around 10:30pm, well past the innocence interval where you can't expect a hookup. He responded immediately (guilt? lust? missing me?) and met me by my apartment.

We talked for about an hour - about school, Spanish, relationships, the concert he had gone to. May I mention we would've known these things if he hadn't been an imbecile and texted me sooner? I was still pretty tipsy at this point, and when I'm tipsy, I'm sassy. I had previously deemed him a jerk, and found every opportunity where he seemed remotely pretentious to make fun of him, to which he giggled and made me fall for him all over again. In person, he was still sweet, and even though there were for sure some questionable intentions on my part, he took about 80 years to grab my hand. Then another 80 to kiss me, finally. (It always cracks me up when a guy pretty much gives my hand a hand job because he's afraid to give anything else a hand job.)

For various reasons, Jebediah didn't seal the deal that night. Not my fault. I'll just say that. As we were getting dressed and heading towards the door, he told me he'd be busy the next couple days.

"So, does that mean you won't text me for another week?"-still sassy.

"I promise I'm not an asshole."

So, should I believe him? It is now Thursday, and he still hasn't texted me or called me. However, I have realized he should be terrified of me. I don't know what made me wake up with so much confidence, but I did. I am smart, but also clever. I can keep up with his friends, and his friends like me. I would never hurt him, and that's something I feel is pretty obvious upon first meeting me. Even if he truly hurts me. I am positive, I like to try new things and travel. I'm pretty, and he knows it. I make decisions on my own and will never be wishy-washy.

Truly, this guy doesn't deserve me. I know this, yet I still am waiting for him. I'm still contemplating texting him. I've forgiven him for his missteps. Part of me doesn't even want to.


Where is the line between hope and insanity?